"Resident In Chief"

I think I'd make a neat President,....I mean now that we know 'anyone' can get the job.Did I mention I'm seeing bleep at my peripheral vision?

...but I digress.

Anyhow yeah I'd be a totally insane Boss of bosses down in D.C. Unlike our current patient there I'd have fun with shit. First off I'd have my new "Department of Happy Surprises" Fed-Ex everyone nice shit. For example voter or not legal or not you get a birthday present...sorry no returns. This neat-o Department will from time to give out goodies to everyone just because it's nice to do...ya know how if ya was lucky that weird nice uncle or aunt that would just show up with neat shit for everyone...hey what's government for?

We'd have the damned Army Navy 'n Marines set up emergency field clinics/hospitals everywhere...I mean everywhere because what is this shit we're in, but not a national Disaster.
...special attention to the Black Lung victims in mining country. The opioid addiction regions. Special attention to kids, and the elderly. Make like we was just nuked, and we're putting shit back together 'cause it ain't all that different from that now.

A "Department of Chefs"!

New chefs all over the place cooking up 5 Star meals for everybody that wants or needs 'em.. That, and delivered by our Army...heck if I was a kid I'd join up to be part of this swell stuff. Imagine them new giant ass "King Stallion" choppers landing in the middle of a forsaken 'Murican" town. That and keen to serve G.I.s poring out to feed the hungry comfort the sorrowful, and heal the wounded. "Protect, and Serve" finally come to life!

(...How's this serious noise for Meals on Wheels!)

Also perhaps an "Institute of Safe Desserts. This would in league with the UN. Basically fixing it so creamy yummies won't give ya cancer diabetes or bad vibes. Figuring out how to make all the world's yummy stuff safe to eat...without killing the damned flavor! We went to the frigging Moon sent two Voyagers to the stars, and have bleeping robots fucking around on mars...I think we could do this too.
All this in the first year or so...I mean besides building the "Woodstock Stonewall Monument", and all the usual crap of running an empire.


"Yes Uncle, but how we gonna pay for all this neat bleep?"

You kidding? Most of this swell action could be brought in for the cost of three or four Super Aircraft Carriers, and the proposed fleet of F-35's...which don't work. That, and as once classified documents from the Naval Proceedings tell us. Them new carriers would have a short life expectancy in an actual war with folks that can shoot back,...say our pals Russia or China. In a 'real' war them big things live from hours to a week...max. So bleep that noise use the dough to have a good time healing caring feeding, and giving out gifts to our fucked over masses.

Btw did I mention National Health Care, and universal higher education.
No? Okay that's in the next memo.

Love,

Uncle Syd Resident of the United States of America.

Eh,...I'm not raving am I?