"...dream"

I was Homeless again.

The Midwest.

Cold wind snow.

I wandered the wide frozen flatlands.

There were people. Farm families that had lost their homes.

I joined their column as they walked beside a highway.

They were kind to me. I was wrapped into a blanket against the terrible winds. A blizzard though the sun was above, and a silver moon on the horizon.

Tents.

They took us in.

Outside winter inside spring. It was warm with grass on the ground. A dream I slept, and dreamed within the dream. 

I sat on a beach. Watching the waves come in. I sat, and watched till I awoke.

"...hotplate"

Tonight I'm waiting up for Jesus to come out of my radiator. He'll fix my leaky bathroom. Then cook me a nice meal of lamb curry while singing swell Blondie oldies. Eh,...that's what happens right?

"...just this once"

A thought about our recent snow. Actually I wish the City would leave it alone so it could be beautiful for days. Not just a few hours till the trucks, and cars turn it brown, and the dogs crap all over it, and the thoughtless pepper it with their garbage.I'd like it to be beautiful for a whole week,...just for once.

"...Narnia"

"Always Winter never Christmas"

It's Christmas Eve so of course one's thoughts turn to suicide. Not to be fashionable either. One just gets fed up. Being dead never held any terror. At least for me. Certainly not after I died. Three times.

Drug overdoses

They were great. The eight balls of cocaine that tried, and failed to kill me were the best, and brightest highs I've ever had. Another tale for another time. After several non-consensual resurrections I gained a certain outlook on walking off the job.

This something many are considering my research tells me. Our tattered republic has the most economically disadvantaged population of any other industrial nation on earth. 

...On Earth.

This according to a U.N. survey of the land of the free. Also there's never anything good on TV which is worse. Anyway, "...Always winter, and never Christmas". This as what's his name wrote in his book, and later predictable load of crap film franchise "Narnia".

...okay the book had it's moments.

The above being so soon the post holiday despair will kick in. As opposed to the post industrial feudalism that's on going. I could go on, but you know the deal. You could more than compose your own termination text.

No I'll probably not do anything tonight. Why bother my crappy health nearly did that for me four times this year. It's easier, and cheaper to just wait it out. Also no Xmas cheer or greetings,...gimme a break.

Although I do send you all a generalized well intentioned,...

"Fuck this Fucking Shit to Hell"

...strong missive o follow.

"Remember Bob the Bunny is Watching"

"The Holy Option"

We're fighting "War on Terror, and Ourselves" with all the tools, and tired strategies of the last several conflicts. So until we get wise to the dead end which is we're Fucked.

However, and this is my fervent hope. There's always the possibility of a "Wild Card" historical event. Some swell "Holy" person showing up, and leading the sweaty bunch of out of this self-made Hell.

I could see a lovely Lad surrounded by a Golden Aura good vibes showers of rose pedals, and all that other divine jazz. 

The Holy lad would show up in East L.A. Brixston Mexico City, maybe South Brooklyn Rabat or Kabul. He'd be preaching all sorts of rational wise cool Holy Shit, and leading the crazed Bloodstained lot of us...

Into the "Age of Peace, and Wild Parties".

This just seems reasonable.

                             ...you show'em how it's done Kid!

"These Modern Times"

"Hi Mom I just cut my twin brother's head off. I never liked him much,...hope you don't mind. Oh yeah this Beast from Hell followed me home."

"Can I keep him?"

(Perhaps a *new "paranormal" doll series here on this page. Follow the adventures of "Billy" his 'new' pet, and his former brother's head.) 

*Actually no.  

No I won't do such a terrible thread. I was just letting one of my demented demon out for a walk. So many demons now. Such times such terrible times.

"Howl excerpt", posted December 22, 2011

Allen Ginsberg says:

Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy!
Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy!

The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy!
The nose is holy! The tongue and cock and hand
and asshole holy!

Everything is holy! everybody's holy! everywhere is
holy! everyday is in eternity! Everyman's an
angel!

The bum's as holy as the seraphim! the madman is
holy as you my soul are holy!

The typewriter is holy the poem is holy the voice is
holy the hearers are holy the ecstasy is holy!

Holy the solitudes of skyscrapers and pavements! Holy
the cafeterias filled with the millions! Holy the
mysterious rivers of tears under the streets!

Holy the lone juggernaut! Holy the vast lamb of the
middle class! Holy the crazy shepherds of rebell-
ion! Who digs Los Angeles IS Los Angeles!

Holy New York Holy San Francisco Holy Peoria &
Seattle Holy Paris Holy Tangiers Holy Moscow
Holy Istanbul!

Holy time in eternity holy eternity in time holy the
clocks in space holy the fourth dimension holy
the fifth International holy the Angel in Moloch!

Holy the sea holy the desert holy the railroad holy the
locomotive holy the visions holy the hallucina-
tions holy the miracles holy the eyeball holy the
abyss!

Holy forgiveness! mercy! charity! faith! Holy! Ours!
bodies! suffering! magnanimity!

Holy the supernatural extra brilliant intelligent
kindness of the soul!

"Looking for Fezziwig’s" , first posted December 22, 2009

Fezziwig, old Fezziwig was the good hearted shop keeper that young Ebenezer Scrooge was apprenticed to in the Charles Dickens classic "A Christmas Carol".


In that story the character Fezziwig kept Christmas with a gleeful merry making that he, and his family shared with their employees, and indeed the world.

Christmas eve at Fezziwig‘s shop was a fine display of bright decorations, music, dancing, games, and boisterous laughter.

Oh, but the food!

Long tables were weighted down with all manner of tasty morsels. There were pies, cakes, hot breads, roasts, and cider!

Most of all, most wonderful of all is what Fezziwig gave of his soul. Loving kindness, warm fellowship, and an intuitive understanding of the true meaning of the day.

Christmas Day.

As Charles Dickens says through the character of Scrooge’s nephew Fred.

"Christmas is a time of generosity. A kind, and forgiving day. A day when men, and women from all circumstances open their shut-up hearts to the world."

‘And so it was true of Mr. Fezziwig. Silly, dear old Fezziwig, and his family, and apprentices. They were happy to be in each other’s company, and truly rejoiced in the day. Christmas Day.

The Fezziwig parable from the story of Scrooges redemption, "A Christmas Carol" is very special to me. Special because it touches upon a need I have. That perhaps a great many have. You see I’ve been searching for Fezziwig's for many years.

I’ve been looking for that humble shop so filled with joy for most of my life. A place of heart-fullness, and acceptance I so far I can only dream of.

Since I was very young, since I was a lad I’ve always felt outside, far from the hearth, beyond the window, outside of the door, locked out at the gate. Always outside looking in, and hoping to be noticed.

Through these many years I’ve searched for a tribe, a nation, a faith to belong to. To be enfolded into, and kept, and loved, and needed. I longed to be in a place where you could taste the love in every giving, and receiving.

I had hoped I would one day stumble upon such a miracle.

On many a Christmas Eve I wandered the streets of this vast Emerald City. This busy place of towers, lights, and noise. Through the neon canyons I looked for a very particular kind of magic. I have yet to be blessed with it’s discovery, but I do not despair. Because despite it all I still believe. I still have a kind of faith.

I Believe in Dreams.

I Believe in Holy Magic.

...but most of all I believe in the power of Good. The power of Loving Kindness. Yes even in a world as dark, and uncaring as this.

So I know,...I Know. One Christmas Eve yet to come I will walk down an unremarkable street with unseen Angels at my side. I will walk down a narrow snowy street, and at last find a small humble shop. A shop with wide, open, and inviting doors, warm golden lights, music, bright laughter, joyful songs,...and best of all welcoming smiles.

I will have at long last found my Christmas.

Merry Christmas !

"Wonder", from December 22, 2015

The Earth what a wonder. Now see the map below. It looks like a weather map for a day in early May.  In fact we're just off Christmas Eve. 

The Earth screams in agony at the pain we angry "fire ants" are compulsively inflicting on her. We unknowing, and uncaring torture our Mother.

This Earth the World that birthed us, and all that live with us. 

These days this time as I say in another post this "False Season". This widened Autumn of fearful signs, and few wonders fills me with sorrow, and dread.

Sorrow for the world we have lost, and dread of the one we have making. I sometime envy those with faith in the various invisible g-ds they worship.

A caring kindly divinity that will make everything right, and good. So comforting a notion. I even drift back into faith sometimes. The Holidaze especially re-news my feelings of loss. Loss of my long ago fervent faith.

Well no g-d will fix our wounded world or change the minds of the greedy fearful men that insist on this mass torture of the Earth. Even if these divinities were 'real' I doubt they'd intervene.

They'd say to us they'd answer our prayers with, "You dirtied the Earth 'you' clean it."  

"You murder your children 'you' spear them." 

"You stave your neighbors 'you' feed' them.

"You're plagued with wars, 'you' end them."

No great shining miracles from the sky are needed. 'We' committed all the mentioned crimes, and more. 'We' can stop them. 'We' can make amends. 'We' can heal, and restore.

"WE CAN MAKE OUR OWN MIRACLES."

Amen.