"...Candles"

Me lecturing on Hyperwave Dark Matter realities at Brooklyn College.

This in 1959,...I was ahead of things somewhat. 

I think I'd make a neat President,....I mean now that we know 'anyone' can get the job.

Yeah I'd be a totally insane Boss of Bosses down in D.C. Unlike our current patient there I'd have fun with shit. First off I'd have my new "Department of Happy Surprises" Fed-Ex everyone nice stuff. This happy Department will from time to give out goodies to everyone just because it's nice to do.

..hey what's government for?

We'd have the damned Army Navy 'n Marines set up emergency field clinics/hospitals everywhere...I mean 'everywhere' because what is this shit we're in, but not a national Disaster.

...special attention! 

This to the Black Lung victims in mining country. The opioid addiction regions special attention to kids, and the elderly. Make like we was just nuked, and we're putting shit back together 'cause it ain't all that different from that now.

A "Department of Chefs"!

New chefs all over the place cooking up 5 Star meals for everybody that wants or needs 'em.. That, and delivered by our Army...heck if I was a kid I'd join the service to be part of this swell stuff. 

Imagine them new giant ass "King Stallion" choppers landing in the middle of a forsaken 'Murican" town. That and keen to serve G.I.s poring out to feed the hungry comfort the sorrowful, and heal the wounded. "Protect, and Serve" finally come to life!

Also perhaps an "Institute of Safe Desserts.

This would in league with the UN. Basically fixing it so creamy yummies won't give ya cancer diabetes or bad vibes. Figuring out how to make all the world's yummy stuff safe to eat...without killing the damned flavor! We went to the frigging Moon sent two Voyagers to the stars, and have bleeping robots fucking around on Mars...I think we could do this too.

All this, and tons more in the first year or so...I mean besides building the "Woodstock Stonewall Monument", and all the usual crap of running an empire.

"Yes Uncle, but how we gonna pay for all this neat bleep?"

We're still the richest fucking country in all bleeping history. It's just in the last forty years the rich quietly took it all for themselves! This can be fixed. Just ask Robespierre, Stalin, and Walt Disney.

Next issue.

My Birthday is creeping up again. 

The damned things just won't stop no matter what I do! Anyway I wanna a damned cake, and will wander out to get one if it bleeping kills me.

Eating it my docs say probably will,...Bleep'em. It's 'my' birthday.

Above is a feasibility study on a scientifically safe cake. Um,...still might need a few more candles.