"Happy Trails"

I nearly called 911 this morning saying that I was leaving. That's "leaving" as in cashing in my chips. 

I didn't because I remember the mistake I made by telling a shrink, "...yes I do have suicidal thoughts".

Don't fucking do that shit. 

Them bastards are informers for the heat. You say you committed a crime or you wanna just jump out da window they turn ya in for sure.

I ended up in a Nut Haus for near a month behind that noise.

One false move, and them smiling jackasses pushes buttons on ya ass. Protocols get in play, and none of it is good for you. They just go on to their next victim, "...Next!"

However I still wanted to go,...bad. Have for many years, but sometimes it's more than rough. Lately every morning I get up suicidal. 

Ya know the old Senior Citizen Sob Story.

Loss of family old friends position responsibilities purpose hope shit to look forward too, and nothing is ever good on TV.

Yeah that, and certain things specific to me, and my particular trail of tears. Who da fuck cares. I don't even care anymore I just wants out.

Morphine.

The Hidden City of Morphine is where I wants to fucking go! This shit is harder to come by that diplomatic pouch Rock Cocaine or vintage 1996 China White Heroin. The fucking best there ever naturally was. Sure they have chemically enhanced shit now, but that was the last batch of Natural Heaven there will ever be. Ask any Junkie about it, and they'll burst into tears over it.

Morphine is HARDER to get than 'any' of that.

It's in the Fort Knox of Drugs. I know I've tried for years to just get one lethal dose. Only the One Percent of the One Percent of Dopers can get near it,...and that ain't me.

Meanwhile I just live this rancid life. I go about my routine of cleaning dusting polishing my digs as make work to keep me alive. Even in the 90f+ heat. Being old, and destitute I ration my A.C. for when I really needs it. That 105f degree day was one.

Btw I spent today, see above, building a vintage Revell model kit of a "DC-7". That fucker in it's original box with the cellophane still on it gets you $350.+ from collectors online,...fuck them jerks to hell.

What's da point of having such a sweet kit if you never want to built it...I hates collectors. I had the kit since the 1980's,...gots the original sales slip which sez "Mar-08-'84-Woolworths". One Fucking Dollar!
Same as the original price in 1958!

I bought tons of kits through my radio career, but never had the time to properly build them.

Now I has all da fucking time there is. 

As for my exit I'm open to suggestions.