"Xmas"

Here's some Xmas crap I wrote ten years ago. As true now as it was then. Fuck'em.

Just like in the "Peanuts" holiday cartoon they've been playing on TV for the last 400 years I feel like Crap. I know I'm supposed to be happy, but hey you know the rest. So lets be real. We're gonna fight with our families,...if we still have any left. We're gonna drink too much, feel like shit, be miserable, lonely, and have lots of misdirected rage, and despair.

Merry X-Mas.

Hell the guy wasn't even born now. If he was born at all it was in spring they now think. Also I ain't actually a Christian anyway. At least not anymore.

Turns out all that whooie about the miracles, and virgin birth was made up centuries after he was dead. Now I hear he lived to a happy old age, and never intended any of his stuff for gentiles,...that's us.

That Jesus guy was a good Jew, and would be horrified to learn that a bunch 'a goy is worshiping him as some sort of gawd. Not only that, but works' overtime fuck'n up real Jews in his name. Talk about unintended results. Where does that leave me a good "Katlick" boy?

That leaves me, and you, and the whole western, cheeseburger eat'n lot of us spiritually screwed, and on our own. Oh yeah I don't believe in g-d again. It's been a rough few years.

You know the drill. Friends dropping dead. Messy sickness, and death in the family. Wars, on going genocides that no one is seriously doing anything about, and the north pole has melted.

Yeah a rough few years.

So Christmas ain't exactly on the agenda for me. Though I wish it were. Okay lets try a nice, fantasy. Lets see. "Black Bart's Christmas Angel" Yeah that sounds the ticket.

"Black Bart's Christmas Angel",...A touching, heartwarming family holiday special in which an evil gunslinger finds the true meaning of Christmas when he rescues a negro child from a slave master's evil plantation".

Humm, could make it a blind 'n crippled black kid. Maybe throw in some slave auction scenes, whippings, and shit. Yeah that'll do it.

Jesus Christ I'm cry'n already.

I should write crap like this for a living, and make some real dough. Then I could finally have a happy, gross, materialistic X-Mas just like everybody really wants. Fuck that baby Jesus stuff. Bring on the presents,...the expensive ones!

I'll be back later I'm going out for some breakfast.

(Btw if ya don't already know I'm a very pissed off cynical person of color with no patient's whatsoever with any sort of paternalistic political correctness so don't waste my time with any static about that slave business above.)

Yes I love you too.