Easter. Here's where it all goes to shit for me. Okay the guy might have existed he might have been nice to folks he might have said a few useful things.
So far so good.
Then they say he's a fucking Zombie. Not only that, but he can appear, and disappear. He fucking shows everywhere to freak out his family friends, and assorted fans.
Now mind you that whole bunch watched him die in a particularly unambiguous way. Them Roman guys fucked him up good,...no question. He was bleeping for sure dead when they got through with him.
To top this off the try to sell us on him rising into the sky. Yeah I know. I thought the same thing when they told me this when I was a kid.
So there he is "Ascending"
Picture it. He's all done up in fresh robes has frigging bleeding holes all over him, and a shit eating grin on his face. Then he just up, and shoots into the clouds. Well actually we don't know the speed. I mean it could have been slow with him saying stuff to his fans as he split.
However none of this was written down. You'd have thought after a millions years they would have made something up. Like they have for everything else related to all this noise.
So he gets up there into the clouds where he remains to this day. He's there watching through the ages. Nosing in on all Seven Billion of us. Taking notes for the Great Judgement. This where he shoves 98% of us into an eternal Oven. A Holocaust that never ends.
I questioned the Nuns about this, and always got, "...Jebus is kind, but Just. ???? ...the fuck. That still don't make sense. So he loves us, but for whatever reason or reasons he's going to shove Seven billion folks into the Oven.
Well given all of the above you see my problem with all this. Still I like the painted eggs, and the chocolate bunnies. Like most I like biting the head off first then working my way down.
Then again there's that crowd that bites the tail off. Then works their way into the guts. Boweling the bunny alive.
Then again there's that crowd that bites the tail off. Then works their way into the guts. Boweling the bunny alive.
Happy Easter.
2 comments:
I sure am glad I didn’t have a religious upbringing. I wish you could just forget the zombie.
Allah is also a Nice Guy, merciful and compassionate, especially when his fans are burying Yazidi kids alive, burning Syrian pilots to death on camera, chiseling the faces off ancient statues and chopping people’s heads off with great enthusiam. What inspires them to do these atrociously evil things? Their religion.
Remember that all the coolest holidays are really pagan. Christianity just plagiarized them. This is one thing Jehovah’s witnesses have got right, and is why they don’t celebrate them. Christmas is about the return of the Sun, and Easter is about fertility. That’s what the bunnies and eggs are all about.
So forget that zombie shit. He’s like one of those clowns in Prospect Park, waiting in the door of a plywood shed to give you a hug. His affection is about as soothing as a novel by Stephen King.
Oh yeah - the Prophet of Allah, he who inspires the beheaders of children, is also said to have ascended to heaven before his fans: in his case, riding on the back of a horse. Let’s hope it didn’t poop on them.
Z
I yearn to bash monotheism ar some length, a task most necessary to the well being of humankind, but it’s late and I’m tired so it’ll have to wait. Alas!
Here’s a good way to celebrate Easter. Get a big hollow rubber dildo and fill it full of creamy white sugar water. Attend the festivities at your favorite church. At the climactic moment, with great fanfare squirt the contents in a dramatic parabolic arc all over the altar and as many of the celebrants as possible. This is the proper way to usher in the Holy Spirit.
Z
Z
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